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Live Loved


One morning as I sat and wept it was unclear what had brought me to this place. So I continued to weep. At some point, I realized that my tears and aching heart were because I did not understand why God would allow, no, send, Jesus to the cross for me. And then, through the pain and the sobs, I clearly, quietly hear, “Because I love you.” Instantly, this becomes enough. In the past, I would ponder the thought of God loving me, and it just didn’t make sense. That morning, love made sense, but not in a tangible way. His love for me made sense in the depths of my heart. He is healing my heart. God is removing the heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 26:36). My sins are covered by the cross. My baby is in the arms of Jesus. I can live loved. Will I allow myself this freedom? It didn’t cost me a thing. Ok, maybe it does cost me some pride and releasing the things I thought I could control. The choice to surrender myself and all I believed about myself to God is mine. He is gentle like that; God will not force me to choose Him. However, there has never been a moment He wasn’t present. As I sat still, a bit overwhelmed, I spoke my choices out loud. I choose to receive His love and forgiveness. I choose to believe He loves me, and that is enough. I choose to give God access to my wounded, broken, disheveled heart to make me new. Despite my feelings, I choose to live loved by God.

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